Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in deviantpoet's LiveJournal:

Saturday, August 11th, 2007
10:30 pm	So... Lately things have been weird for me. It's a battle between my heart and my head.. and right now my heart is winning. Thank god. *clutches stomach* owwwwowowowowow I hurt so BAD. I just got up and I had to fall to the ground.. my feet are swollen and everything is making cracking sounds. *can't be comfortable in her chair* I'm waiting till I can call my boyfriend back... I don't know. Things are just so weird. But partly, if not mostly, they are my fault. He messed with a couple of girls before telling me, which I agree is a stupid rule that makes zero sense, but is nonetheless unforgivable because he promised he would never do that. And he did that twice. I mean, I said I had forgave him after that, but.. it's hard to forgive when you're still fucked up in the head because of it. I don't get myself. The other day. My beloved... his birthday. He wanted to know if he could have permission on this one girl and I basically told him whatever. I know that sounds bad to say in that situation, but I didn't care. I was already pissed off and I wasn't thinking. A part of me thought that if I had said that, that he would know that I didn't want him to. I didn't want to tell him no. I didn't want to say that the picture he sent me of her... made me want to hurl. Made my heart sink. I wanted him to just choose only me, like I had him. We are...(were?) monogamous. I thought he knew I wasn't up for anything like that right now. I hated that I couldn't... I didn't DARE touch him today. The girl he sent me the picture of wasn't like me at all. I'm sorry, but she looked cheap... Shaved/weirdly plucked eyebrows, cleavage and all. He didn't even mention her name. He had just met her. And the fact that he mentioned that she was bisexual repulsed me. How is she my type? She reminds me of PHYLICIA. She blatantly, obviously looks like someone I wouldn't be able to get along with. How could he not know this?? It makes me wonder, does he know me at all? I was so.. angry. Not about what he was texting me, but of my own words. I was talking to one of my friends. And I was telling him how I've been feeling lately. So I did. And I was shocked. Just telling him... I felt.. Like crap. I felt I needed to sugar coat things so they wouldn't seem as bad, you know? I was telling him about the two girls, and the word "cheating" was typed... I didn't know how to feel. I forgave him. But was it cheating? Did I think it was because I had no say in the matter? Because we were supposedly mono at the time? Was that why I was/am so hurt by it? ... Not because of the act itself? I was angry. And that had to be the worst time EVER that he would text me, asking for my permission to fool around. And with some girl I didn't know, that he just met? I just wanted to die. I wanted him to know that I was upset. But I didn't want to make him feel down around his friends. I didn't want to make him hurt with me on his own fucking birthday. So after I told him to be himself and do whatever, through tears, he texted back, "KK" ... ... I fell apart. He didn't question it.. And I could just imagine him taking her hand, and going to another room to do godknowswhat. He told me later that he had just pecked her twice on the lips. I hurt... I had to bite down on my thumb to stop from saying anything I'd regret. It was later when he thought I was kinda okay with it that he said they had madeout and dry-humped in him roomates room. I had to hang up so I could scream into my pillow and cry more. This was soon after I had told him to stop. "I'm saying the word.. Stop. Please." I could barely let those words part my lips. I had been withholding everything and was relieved slightly when I had told him no. I just didn't want him to be mad with me... It looked like I was upset over nothing... It was my fault. I didn't want him to miss out on anything... I didn't want to, it wasn't my place to deny him anything he wanted. I want him to choose. I can't make the decision when I know nothing... I choose only him, no matter what. He chooses whatever's in the moment. And I will always stick by him because I do my very best to accept everything he is. I love him, and that will never change. Today I just hugged him. I couldn't look him in the face fully yet though... I didn't want to cry anymore. I just wanted him to know that I was still there, latching on. .... I still haven't gotten a reply from him. What is he doing? I told him I had things to tell him, and he said he would listen... but so far I haven't been able to get a hold of him, which is weird... A girl was using his phone earlier but... *sigh* I have no idea. It's getting hard... I feel constantly/consistently disappointed lately. I waited for him today on my hour lunch break for half of it. I know it's just the bus, that he can't help things... but still. It builds up, you know? :( lately my days... have been so complicated. It's hard to say I'm fine when people at work know there's something wrong with me... They all do. "nai" Current Mood: cold (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 6th, 2007
8:21 am	Written in the back of an old notebook... A friend of mine once said, "Ask for the weak as well as the strong, so you may teach as well as be taught." I saw both sides of his corner until this morning. I am sick of teaching, droning monotonious, optimistic, hopeful advice to someone who owns no ears... They never listen. Is it wrong thus, to infer that they never will? Perhaps I give up too easily... That, or I am selfish. I feel I care for them more than they do themselves. So I think, "Why should I bother?" We're all going to die eventually... so I tend to lose hope in some subjects just because I know in thirty years it won't matter anymore. =/ Current Mood: productive (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 14th, 2007
5:25 pm	Musically Inclined Musically Inclined by *girltripped on deviantART By one of the artists I watch on DeviantArt.com, this picture is so wonderfully done!! I love it so much ~ The passion, delicacy, and just blatant artistc flow of this is so heart-warming and relatable... Not caring what may be around you and concentrating on the music...traveling to the song's own universe, feeling the tune and melodic beats in your mind, your veins mechanically tuning in on the right pitch and sensing every twist and turn in the winding enchantments of the music you hold so close and dear... LOL. Sorry... I guess I got carried away in my poetic... being. 6_6 It's a beautiful picture though!! x3 "jen" Current Mood: artistic (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 22nd, 2007
8:08 pm	A tie-up between this and CX. QuackQuackunvME, you're now logged in! Below you'll find your test result. After, continue on to your homescreen to discover what we're about. continue to OkCupid homescreen > 6 - the Questioner Thanks for taking the test ! you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX (aka "The Loyalist"). "I am affectionate and skeptical" Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative. How to Get Along with Me Be direct and clear. Listen to me carefully. Don't judge me for my anxiety. Work things through with me. Reassure me that everything is OK between us. Laugh and make jokes with me. Gently push me toward new experiences. Try not to overreact to my overreacting. What I Like About Being a Six being committed and faithful to family and friends being responsible and hardworking being compassionate toward others having intellect and wit being a nonconformist confronting danger bravely being direct and assertive What's Hard About Being a Six the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations Sixes as Children Often are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent Sixes as Parents are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence worry more than most that their children will get hurt sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages You liked the test? so S P R E A D I T ! tell everyone!!! (use Quick-Paste below) and please don't forget to RATE it... (but remember! it had only two questions!!! That surely makes it worth a "5", right ;-))) you wanna know MORE? so check out, what Wikipedia says about your type... ...even more you'll find in Google or do you prefer to You are not completely happy with the result?! You chose CY Would you rather have chosen: AY (EIGHT) BY (FOUR) CX (TWO) CZ (ONE) My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on ABC You scored higher than 44% on XYZ Link: The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Friday, March 16th, 2007
9:32 pm	:3 The Sonnet Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf) Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed? Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. Your exact opposite: Genghis Khunt Random Brutal Sex Master Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so. You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls. ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth CONSIDER: The Loverboy Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. Current Mood: cheerful (Comment on this)
9:12 pm	Fuck... It says energetic. XDDD , you're now logged in! Below you'll find your test result. After, continue on to your homescreen to discover what we're about. continue to OkCupid homescreen > The Giver You scored 52 Extroversion, 78 Intuition, 65 Emotional, and 33 Spontaneity! ENFJ Outgoing and friendly. ENFJs cheif concern in life is other people, and fostering harmony and cooperation, between themselves and others. Warm personal interactions-strokes of approval and appreciation- keep them going in life. Sympathetic, cooperative and tactful, with high ideals, they make a consistent effort to say and do the right thing. They are patient and conscientious and make an effort to stick to a job until it's finished. Relationships ENFJs put a lot of effort and enthusiasm into their relationships. To some extent, the ENFJ defines themself by the closeness and authenticity of their personal relationships, and are therefore highly invested in the business of relationships. They have very good people skills, and are affectionate and considerate. They are warmly affirming and nurturing. The excel at bringing out the best in others, and warmly supporting them. They want responding affirmation from their relationships, although they have a problem asking for it. When a situation calls for it, the ENFJ will become very sharp and critical. After having made their point, they will return to their natural, warm selves. They may have a tendency to "smother" their loved ones, but are generally highly valued for their genuine warmth and caring natures. Strengths Good verbal communication skills Very perceptive about people's thoughts and motives Motivational, inspirational; bring out the best in others Warmly affectionate and affirming Fun to be with - lively sense of humor, dramatic, energetic, optimistic Good money skills Able to "move on" after a love relationship has failed (although they blame themselves) Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships Strive for "win-win" situations Driven to meet other's needs My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Extroversion You scored higher than 99% on Intuition You scored higher than 99% on Emotional You scored higher than 99% on Spontaneity Link: The Ultra Ultimate Personality Test written by zip_adeedoodah on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 14th, 2007
7:15 pm	I knew things would change.. After all the drama of John I felt almost numb. We recently cleared away the clout that changed his perception of me... And now we are friends. Took seven months after our breakup. =/ I've tried, of course, to get him to well.. GET IT, but I'm glad it finally has flowed into the right mold, yes? Well... I haven't quite been the same lately. Weird feelings involving John that I haven't quite figured out yet. Fully. It seems as if I still have feelings for him, but I know there's no way that can be. I told Jorden about it today... and I couldn't go into detail. It's so weird... a want to see him again. And past memories are popping up... but then I think of Alfonzo and go off into dreamland. x3 And apparently every sensitive person around me can feel when I think about him. xD I must give off a lot of energy or something... I have no idea. Rawr. I can't wait to see him Sunday... *smiles* ... *sigh* ... I miss him so much. T_T I just cut my hair.. Feels a lot better. It's been bugging me for a month but Cara never got around to cutting it, so HAH. I got to it first. It's just an inch-ish shorter. Damn it'll look hellof short when it's curly though.... Dun' worry, I'm growing it out, just want tah keep it healthy. I just decided, finally, on the classes I'm signing up for next year. Here they are, in order of priority/want: (~ = pretty much guaranteed) ~ Science Fiction Literature ~ U.S. History (ew..) ~ Chemistry ~ Algebra II (I'm taking Trigonometry during the summer at LasPo..) 1)Web Page Design 2)Computer Aided Drafting 3)1 semester psychology/1 semester keyboarding (I NEED to type traditionally... ugh.) 4)Fabrics and Fashion 5)Visual Communications I still have no idea what I want to do with my life career-wise.. But that's normal. My math teacher like the... "Diversity" of my career interests at the top of my form. haha. He especially liked the astrologer and construction manager being next to eachother. xD Well, I have something more to write, so I must cease in the pouring of thought unto you and commense elsewhere... "So long, sweet remembrancer.." Till next we meet. ~Yours truly~ Current Mood: anxious (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
8:26 pm	Well today I was a bit... off. xD I'm glad I put my Hello Kitty notepad in my backpack a coupla days ago. I used it to write to people today because I couldn't talk. Well... I could... it just hurts when I do. =/ So yeah, I have a growth in my throat blocking about half of my air-way. And it's pretty fucking nasty(although Tara thought it was cool xDDD *note:she too laughs at horror films*). It's been getting worse, so today I saw the doctor after school. It was funny seeing all of the doctor's first reactions. They all jumped. xDDDD The swabbed me for strep throat, but that came back negative. I'll get the other swab results in two days. So yeah.. no one knows what it could be. =/ All the doctors that saw it had never seen anything like it before... And one of them says she's been a doctor for twelve years. 9_9 Arrrggg... I'm getting blood drawn tomorrow to test for mono n stuff. Freaking nurse better find the vein next time. xPPP Warm salt water seems to help. But... yeah I kinda REALLY hate throwing up. >_<" Random fact: I can't drink my apartment's tap water without gagging. And salt water makes me gag/puke, hence why I hate the ocean. =P Ew and the sand gets E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E. xDD Mmmmm... so yeah, right now I'm taking a (HUGE-ASS) pill. I could barely fit it down my throat, so my tongue pretty much had to push it down. XDD We're basically seeing if it gets better or worse, and if worse, then it's not an viral infection(...infection from a virus). =/ So yeah, I probably won't be at school on Valentine's Day. 9_9 Although I'm actually going to fight to go to at LEAST first period, because my dozen roses are being delivered, and I want to give them to Jorden to deliver to Beth. Oh yeah, I'm a romantic. xDDD So yeah, Sacha is praying for me and a fast recovery, Debbie made me an early valentines card thing in math because I said I might not be there tomorrow, and Alicia wished me luck and kept hugging me all day. Oh, I talked, kinda, to Josh... and I still don't think he gets it, I talked to my ex, John, today which was interesting. I am glad I made him laugh a couple of times... I never seem to know when he's going to laugh or get on your case and end up debating over something you didn't even mean in the first place. =/ *sigh*... I knew he was going to talk to me again though. lol. He always does. I was glad to see him today... which is surprising considering what he told Jorden what he thought of me. He thinks I'm "crazy and contradictory". Even JILL and I agree that he doesn't make sense. He pretends to be wise and all-knowing, which is obvious but he'd never admit that and uses weird metaphors that just confuse you to distract from his point/s. Okay okay, *sorries* I shouldn't be saying things behind his back like that. xP So yeah, it took me 20 minutes to eat a Popeye's sandwich today. STILL NOT AS SPICY. px *sigh* Ah well. I hope your days were better. <333 -"jen" (Comment on this)
Monday, February 12th, 2007
9:21 pm	Anime.. List of animes I've seen (MOST OF, IF NOT COMPLETELY!): - Sailor Moon <333 - Ceres: Celestial Legend - Pokemon... - Trigun - Cowboy Bebop - Samurai Champloo <3 - Sakura: Card Captor - Serial Experiments: Lain - Tenchi - Digimon... - Yu-Gi-Oh... - Evangelion hmmm... I shall think harder in the next couple of days to think of more I have seen... I know there are at least two more... I know, my list is rather pathetic when you compare to someone who watches anime on a regular basis... =/ (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 10th, 2007
7:18 pm	Frozen people.. Why must the cold freeze everything around it ... yet there be some cases after... where the water flows.. ... It pours down your cheeks hot with emotion, steaming... and you stand there, ashamed of the waters but having pity in the cause.. You can't believe the freezing air the one that oddly melted you.. you can't believe the freezing temperatures the ones that shocked your heart You can't believe the one that stomped on you the ones that have shattered you more and more taking fists to your head and hammers to your heart. You just can't believe the ice. (Comment on this)
3:02 pm	sometimes you feel like dissintergrating into the earth like ashes dissolving forever moving in the ocean or intensely blowing in the wind... sometimes you feel like dissapearing with your thoughts with your hopes and your fears and becoming numb to emotion and sound to light and to the ground you lean so heavily on. sometimes you feel like moving leaving this place and going far, far away to your loves and leave the cage that binds you to a world you chose to create sometimes you feel like time is not on your side and that waiting is unbearable... but you know that if you survive these tests you will conquer your enemies... yet sometimes you feel that your "loved ones" are your enemies... So you must never regret and never look back.. =/ -"jen" (Comment on this)
Friday, February 2nd, 2007
9:37 pm	Lonely but not "Emo". Just took a nice shower... hoping my mother would forget that I said I'd rub her back again. xDDD I'm partly getting ready for tomorrow. *Because I'm SO high maintenence.* Pfft. hmm... I'm seeing the dermotologist on Valentine's Day... The second my skin was perfect, I had a bad reaction to one of the antibiotics. >_<" UGH. And so I've been asking my mom for weeks to make another appointment so I can get another one, but DAYUM she took her sweet time. *is realizing how bitchy she can sound via LiveJournal..* I just can't wait for my skin to be decent again. =/ OMG TOMORROW. I'm so stroked. xDDDD Dude lately I've been making a ton of lists of things to do. I actually like it. S'weird... Oh. Speaking of lists... Ten Weird Things About "Jen" 1 I was a Witch six times for Halloween... but the last two years I was a wench and a zebra. 2 My big toe's toe nail on my right foot has shaven sides, so it's slightly thinner. 3 I think goosing is HILARIOUS. *rubs against wall* (dude if you've never seen me do this... you're so missing out xDDD) 4 I make my mom laugh/barely breathe/squeal every time I'm alone with her. She brings out my humor amnd silliness because I know she loves it. 5 I am the black sheep of my family. Why? Ask my sister. >_<" 6 I go after the warm-hearted, but depressed-and-not-so-good-looking guys because I want to make them feel better. 7 I spend 85% of my money on other people because I know I have nothing better to do with it. 8 I've never been serenaded, given roses/chocolates/balloons(?), had a nice (candlelit?) dinner, and nor have I been given any birthday presents(until recently!) or Valentines Day gifts from any love of mine, and yet I have had six boyfriends... 9 I haven't really gone shopping with anyone but myself, Jill, or my parental units. 10 I can't eat meat off the bone. And it's not because it reminds me of what part of the animal it came from. DUDE. Has anyone gotten the Spicy Deluxe Chicken Sandwich at Popeye's latley?!!?! It's not spicy anymore!!! Like BARELY! dude... *tear* I guess there were too many complaints on how spicy it was. =/ "But I LIKED having the lower half of my face feel like it was peeling off!!" xDDDDDD I so said that, too. I pretty much spent my whole day con mi madre today. (yay free food!) I got thank you cards for Sam and Aicia(I'll get them more tomorrow) and a buncha useless Valentine's stuff for Rain. Dx My mom is in charge of the whole YouTube fansite care-package thingy to him for VDay... She was hellof spazzy and kept asking me for advice. I just couldn't stop making jokes. xD We were at the Dollar Tree(lol I felt hellof ghetto.. you have to PAY to use their shopping carts..) and she couldn't find tissue paper so I handed her napkins. xDD Then she commented on how sturdy the shopping carts were and I was like, "Yeah, well they ARE worth twenty-five cents." *giggles* Yeah.. guess you hadta have been there... xDDDD Yeah, so now we have about 25 pounds worth of presents n candy for Rain. People keep sending in stuff... WHEN WILL IT END. Ah well. I guess I like my mom spazzing about litle things. It's funny. XD Well that's enough for now.. still not quite sure how my next LJ's gunna go. I have a lot on my mind... Love, "jen" Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Friday, December 29th, 2006
2:26 am	So I'm getting back to writing now, if you hadn't noticed. And... I suppose I shall post a lil' something I wrote for someone on here, because it's easier than sending it through AIM. xP Here ya go, Oni. You asked for it. haha. "I want you to write me a poem... one that's bloody and menacing? haha. Like me?" -You've seen that one... -Og, what was it called.. -*oh -OH DUH -Your Loyal Servant? "yeah, I LOVE that one, but I want me in it. =DDDD" -Mkay... Gimme a sec, I'm on the phone. =P "Oh, and it doesn't have to rime, but thatll be great" -*Ryhme. -Lol. "Youre too much. xP" -Nuh huh! -Momma always sad I waz juss wite! "LOLOLOL I remember that!!!!!" -It was in my dream last night, so I thought I'd mention. xD -And gimme some time to write this, kk? -I'm off the phone now. "kk Bumble. =D" ~Ten minutes later~ -K. I'm done. - My name is Chassidy And I am wondering, What would you do without me? Without the bloody mess, the sawed through carcus, your broken bones... Do you know that we're alone? Your family is gone I sprayed their blood on your lawn and mailed you their limbs to make up for your sins I tore out their teeth with plyers because the words of fucking liars Don't ever need to be heard for they have no worth in their word Do you think you shall live forever? Realisticly I shall already call you Cadaver For your toe tag is in my hand And it is my turn to take a stand "ooohh I like it. Very menacing!" -Not gross enough to my standards... but since you like it, that's all that matters. xD "Yesh! Very good for a quickie? Mind if I use it for something?" -What? "I wanna put it with a pic then put it in my DevArt. I'll say you wrote it, of course. ^_^" -Fine by me. - Oh and... -Feel honored as of now... "why's that" -I only write for people I really like. -=) -You're awesome, Chassidy. "I love you jennnn <333" -Same to you. ~~~~ Mkay, quiz timeeee. lol. Been a year or so since I did these. xD What Color is your Aura? (With Pictures) The Color of your aura is Yellow: joy, freedom, non-attachment, freeing or releasing vital forces. People who glow yellow are full of inner joy, very generous and not attached to anything. Yellow halo around the head: high spiritual development. A signature of a spiritual teacher. Do not accept spiritual teachings from anyone who does not have such a yellow halo. Buddha and Christ had yellow halos extending to their arms. Today it is rare on Earth to find a person with a halo larger than 1 inch. Yellow halo appears as a result of a highly active brow chakra (which can be seen glowing with violet by many people at my workshops). Highly spiritual people stimulate the brow chakra continuously for many years, because they always have intensive spiritual thoughts in their minds. When this chakra is observed when highly active, a yellow (Auric pair) halo appears around it, surrounding the entire head. Yellow thought indicates a moment of joy and contentment. Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code What Is your Aura? Lovely Anime Pics;; You Aura is captured. You can never seem to make desicions for yourself, & instead you let other make them for you. Maybe it's that you're too lazy, or that you don't want to hurt anyone. Whatever it is, you should speak up at least just once, let them know that you to are a person equal to them, and you to have a voice and even a zillion times better ideas then them. Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code Which Element Are You? Water, you go with the flow. You never really want to fight, but when pushed or shoved in the direction, you fight hard, and fast. You tend to be shy, but when you get to know someone, or you become close to them, you really start talking, and learning about them. Nice choices, I got this one too :D Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code What type of soul do u have? You have a broken soul. Your soul has had some rough times in the past and just needs a little bit of patching up. Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code What do your lips say about you? (with pics!) Wierd girl! lol. Your'e very weird and random, maybe even a bit crazy. But most people love you for it, so it's all good! Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code Whats inside your soul? Boys and Girls (PICS) You are very passionate and quite temperamental. While you can be moody, often outside your own emotions it seems, you always crave comfort. You are a very grounded, responsible, and a realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it. Sometimes it is needed just to try to be considerate when you do it. You believe that people see you for how you are, not how you look. But deep down, you know that's not exactly true. Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it. You love fighting and accomplishing things. For you, falling in love has never been easy... You can only fall for someone who is very patient and persistent. Who really shows you love and be with you no matter what. When you find this person, though, you will know almost immediately and spill your heart out to them. Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code ♥What Is Your Love?♥ ♥Your Kiss Is: Mysterious♥Your Hugs are: Gentle♥Your Eyes: Sparkle With The Stars♥Your Touch Is: Heart Warming♥Your Smell Is: Amazing♥Your Smile Is: Hypnotising♥Your Love Is: Unique Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code What type of fantasy creature are you? beautiful pics! You are a night elf or a drow! You worship the moon goddess and are nocturnal. You are very graceful and swift. You like the colors blue, purple, and silver. You like felines and are very close to the trees and animals. You are very gentle and only wish for peace. Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code What Label Are YOU? (Great Pics!) </a>You're and Average Joe! You COULD be a prep or a punk or an emo, but no one ever gives you a chance to say anything! And even if they did you'd probably be waaay to shy to say anything. Only your friends and family know the true you, maybe you need to open up a little more, missy...or mister. Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code What's your soul trying to say? (girls only) pics and pretty long results (may be a bit hard to take in, but it will work, or h You really don't know how to deal with the things that are happening in your life right now. You attempt to satisfy your curiosity of who you really are, but you end up failing at a terrible pace. Try taking a bubble bath. Include: candles, calm music, lights off, and comfy pajamas to top it all off.This should help you to take time to think about things and have a moment to yourself for once. Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code What Kind of Angel are you? GUARD ANGELyou love to help, you can't bare someone suffering, you give hope and calm to the world Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code Errr... Should've posted this yesterday, but aw well. I should get to bed soon... Just talking to one person now, Missa, my lover's love. haha. Well... hopefully I can get back on track for school sleep-wise, but I'm not counting on it.... xP When or if you've read this... message me please. Love, "jen" (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 27th, 2006
2:14 am	"So how was your day, Jen?" "do you REALIZE how weird people think you are?" -Yesh, they make it obvious to me. And I have no idea why they can be so unaccepting. -Especially the ones that are picked on themselves or feel like outcasts. -Sometimes I look at them, almost outside my own body, and wonder if I'm the only one that thinks THEY'RE crazy. "yeah.. people do act like turds from time to time. Like that tard that called you a fucked up dyke. YOu shoulda pulled out a knife. xD" -I could've... But I am above that. -=) "you're too perfect Jen, i swear." -xP You know I'm not. "like i remember first having really deep conversations with you, and some things you'd say would be really inspiring. but they'd be so perfect I'd think you were copying and pasting from somewhere!!!" -LOL. -Not sure if that's a compliment. xDDD "Oh, it is. 8D" -Well then you're too kind. <3 -Although I'm sure you're exaggerating. "nope. haha." -Losar. -Brb. Phone. ... -K backk. "That was quick. xD" -Yeah it was just mi padre. Car broke down again so I told him to check the connection to the battery. -He found a loose wire. xDDD -It's good now. "you're too good at that, damn it! you need to teach me your methods!!!" -Like I've said, it's one of those things that can't be taught, only learned. lol. "XP I hate you jen" -No you don't. =) "i know..." -Haha. -Wow... deja vu... Have we had this convo before? -Lol. "probably. lol. you know how we do that" -Yeah really. -So what was it you wanted to tel me? -*tell "well you're always tell me to be bolder and to say what's on my minddddd... so I wanted to tell you you're my idol" -LOL. -Wow... -I don't know what to say. "you're just so funny and your advice... well damn jen, you should write for an advice column! and you accept everyone, and are always there to lisen to me... i really appreciate it. IO jkust wanted you to know..." -awwwwahh!!! -That's like... something I'd say! DAMN YOUUUUUUU!!!! "haha." -Thank you. -=) -I'm not used to such kind words... so pardon my reaction. -But thank you,it means a lot. -<3 ";D" And so ends my first convo of the day in LJ. =) -"jen" Current Music: Just boondocks in the background. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 26th, 2006
3:00 am	Vegas, baby! I am sooooo glad my mother and sister didn't come. It was just me and daddy-o, which was cool... but I had rather I go alone. xDDD Ah well. I loved how I could wait and hang out in the casino and everyone thought I was older. (Same as last time lol) Mom and Jill would've just ruined the fun. Seriously. Mom complains about everything as well as Jill, and they are both pretty conceited and would only have been there for themselves and their own pleasure not thinking of others, so I'm glad we paired off as such, even though my phobia of mi padre... Well... I sucked it up. And I'm not one to complain about little things. (leave that to my mom) Well... The ride over wasn't too bad. Although my neck hurt from staring blankly at orchards and vineyards half the way... and desert and mountains the rest. D= Did I mention I hate scenery? >_<" Anyway, my Vegas trip was great. I saw O:Cirque Deu Soleil which was AmAzInG. I thought it'd be pretty to look at and stuff, but this was really entertaining. (Actually surprised me)The clowns made me giggle amidst the beautifulness, and everything was so perfect and well rehearsed that even that alone was enough to blow one away, let alone all the things they do with their bodies. Gorgeous performance, above my expectations. <3 That was a really long day, stayed up till three just kinda hanging around and pigging out n such. We stayed at Green Valley Ranch, off Henderson, about seven miles from the Strip. We got a great deal on our room, which was a suite. BEAUTIFUL. It's more of a spa/resort type place than hotel. lol. omg Their pool... is so fucking SICKKK. It's one of those places you might've seen on tv about the young rich and famous go to party and relax kinda thing. lol. Anyway, we woke up late on the second day(picked up wakeup call and went back to sleep LOL) so we only went to Sephora instead of the Forum Shops (which was just dandy with me! haha) so after that we came back and I slipped into my lil' black dress and we went to Hugo's Cellar. It's a very up-scale place under The Four Queens hotel. They gave me a rose as I entered and they couldn't believe I was there for my sixteenth birthday(thought I was much older). xDD S'okay, I'm used to it. But hmm... I had escargot for an appetizer(fabulous s'always! <33), ceasar salad(came around with a cart and they made it for you there with whatever you wanted, sooo yummy haha), a lemon sorbet "to cleanse my pallot", scallops in a saphron cream sauce(I <3 scallops as well ^^), strawberries(couldn't have), apricots and figs dipped in milk and white chocolate with freshly made whipped cream to dip it in, a vanilla coffee with whipped cream, sugar, and chocolate chips to add, a chocolate raspberry mouse mini-cake(SOO rich omfg I couldn't finish it. xDD And it was compliments of the chef, so it was free.. ^_^" Go me!), THEN, I gots me a creme brule. haha I was such a little piggy. *oinks* But it's okay, I'll drop the weight when I go work out. 9_9 ...Hopefully. XDD After the glorious meal, we saw Phantom of the Opera at the Venetian. I talked to the funniest drag queen in the apothecary near the theatre. He asked me where I got my pigments and I told him about Hot topic. xDDD Apparently there isn't a single on ein Nevada!! *shocked* But there sure was plenty of "corsets and club-wear" outlets. =3 Man I can't wait till I'm 21... And not just so I can go clubbing... =) *sighs* At least I don't have to wait too long for my eighteenth birthday... It'll pass before I even notice it's gone. Damn I feel so much older that I actually am. 'Tis why I hate telling people my age.... =P It almost disgusts me. So I was waiting for my dad in front of a VIP lounge in my black dress and a good-looking guy walks up to me, about 25-35, and tells me his name is Gerezelle and asks me if I'd like to join him for a drink. Now, I can TELL this guy had major green, so I kinda giggled, surprised at such an offer, and smiled as I said, "Umm... I think I'm too young for you, honestly." And he was just like, "aw come onnn. Are you letting me down easy?" Then I told him my age and he was like "WHOA. sorry miss, I apologize." haha and I swear there was a smoke trail behind him as he sprinted away. xDDDDDDDDDDDD Good stuff. And apparently I don't only look older when I'm wearing makeup, either. I came to th hotel wearing none and the consierge starts talking to me about clubbing so I was basically like, "hey, don't look at me, I'm only 15!" and apparently he thought I was at least 20?? WTF. How does that work? Gahh... I don't think I look that old... 18 the max. xP teehee. Maybe it's because I don't go prancing around in sweatshirts and say "like" every five seconds? Dayum... Anyway... I should prolly head to bed with the rest of meh peeps. =P Wish me luck on my upcomingEnglishprojectthatIhaven'tevenlookedat. >_<" Ew. Just thinking about work... makes me want to cry into a pillow. xDD Speaking of pillows, I think I need to go hug one now. =3 Slumber's slave, "jen" Current Music: The blood-curdling SILENCE. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 15th, 2006
7:32 pm	I spray my perfume I brush my hair I imagine the gloom I say a quick prayer "Please don't have me stutter, Please don't have me fall Please keep my mind from the gutter and help me stand big and tall." I'd smile in the mirror I'd put on my clothes for the night I'd procrastinate and wipe the windows cleaner I'd make sure everything was alright... I'd be jittery in the car I'd walk lightly in the rain I'd sit and wonder where you are I'd sit there fondling my chain mmm... I'll finish this later... I have college hw to do. 9_9 -"jen" Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Dir En Grey. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 14th, 2006
3:34 pm	The Bottom of my Hill. I'm just glad my school-day is over. xD Now I'm all comfy in front of the computer eating chocolates Jorden gave me. =3 'Twas very sweet of her. <3 Well, I have my iTunes on shuffle now and I'm listeing to Saku by Dir En Grey. =D I'm almost tempted to head bang... but I'll resist. lol. (For now.) My day was pretty good. I went to the counselor's office AGAIN, but I was back by the end of the period. xD Yesterday I hung out with Josh in the library to help him with him Spanish oral(we got SO distracted, but I still helped lol). And I wore my good shoes yesterday for swing, so we got the routine down thank gawd. I tried Flamin' Hot Cheetos for the first time which I SWEAR taste like Ramen. xD Well, with a lil' bit of heat, but not bad. lol I love how I eat more of Johnny's lunch than he does. xP ooooohhh LIPS LIKE MORPHINE by Kill Hannah. i <3 this song. teehee *sings along* I wanna girl with lips like morphine Knock me out every time they touch me I wanna feel a kiss just crush me and break me down knock me out knock me out cuz I've waited for all my life to be here with you tonight I wanna girl with lips like morphine blow a kiss that leaves me gasping I wanna feel that lightning strike me and burn me down knock me out knock me out 'cuz I've waited for all my life to be here with you tonight Just put me on my back Knock me out again < geek > Ack. The parentals are home. D= Pero mi madre brought cookie dough so it's all good. xD (sorry about the random Spanish. It's beginning to be a habit) GAH I STILL HAVE TO DRAW NATSUKI. The final one, that is. It has to be perfect. *two years later* "Mkay, now for the other eye." haha. Oh, and I mentioned to my *cough*rich*cough* friends that I wanted Silent Hill and/or Kingdom Hearts for Xmas. (hey, they're the ones that offered to buy me something lol) I need more videogames. u_u I hate the fact that the new PS3 games aren't all that great. I've heard there was like ONE decent one but all the others are bleh. Well I heard on XPlay... but that was like a month ago. DUDE I MISS SESLER ALREADY. ='( I haven't been watching lately... < /geek > hmm... Well today at lunch Mary, Hatchie and I used Jaymison as a rug... Literally. lol. You can prolly still see my shoe marks on his back(kinda looked cool because it was stars and stripes haha). hmmm... Well I may or may not go to church today. I'm waiting for Sacha or Cara to call. =P Arg I'm listening to my dad watch WestSide Story... Last time I saw that was like in 4th grade. Weird how I remember so much of it. Not just the movie, but the people around me as I was watching it... Oh, and I'm still woking on the color thing. =( It's been like... well... FOREVER since I saw the outline of auras, but no matter what I do i can't see the colors. u_u" Talk about frustrating.... Maybe I should have Tara help me, she has more energy than I think she knows what to do with. xP The bottom of my hill You stand there paralized Stay still And perhaps you'll realize Just how wrong you are. The bottom of my heart must mend it's throbbing scars but I won't give a running start Only two have reached the summit but the slopes can be steep be careful or you'll plummet be careful or I'll weep... ...Is it just me or do I write too much? 6_6 haha I feel honored if you've ead this whole thing. =D mucho amor, "jen" Current Mood: energetic Current Music: WestSide Story? haha (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 11th, 2006
8:04 pm	My English Essay. So last night I got half way done with it and ended up making it about my friend Carolina. I went to bed around 3:30(later than usual), but oddly I feel more awake than I do when I get 8 hours. xD It's nuts. Well, here's my essay.... Hope my teacher gets a kick out of it, not knowing half of what it means. haha. Dear Carolina, How long have I known you now? Over a year or so, right? Well… I just wanted to tell you how important you are to me and how much I cherish my memories of you, if only so few. From butter on the wall with Mary to Gay Pride with “Jewlie” (that day we were on Karen), to sharing details about The L Word and to when you found out I was utterly in love with you, every moment is worth remembering. My heart would sink when you talked about Missy or Mallory, but I still hung on every word you said and listened to Mary (oddly enough), believing that one day you’d realize your high expectations weren’t in fact realistic and bring your head from the clouds… Only to see I was there, standing next to you the whole time holding your hand. I know I’ve told you this before, but for he sake of this essay (and my grade…) I admire you, from afar if not in a fleeting embrace between classes. Your personality gets me every time, I must say. My cheeks always hurt after getting off the phone with you because I just CAN NOT stop smiling. You drive me nuts. I hope one day I get to see you cry, not because I like to see people in pain, but so that you’ll truly know that I really don’t care if your eyes are puffy and there’s snot shooting from your nose like a water pistol. I wouldn’t be surprised like Andrew and you wouldn’t have to hide it from me like you do Mallory. I would let you cry on me until my shoulder grew mold. I can’t remember if I had told you this, but I remember when Dane first brought me over to your group and how terrified I was, but when I saw you all I wanted to do was say something - witty, stupid, something resembling intelligence; anything so that you might notice me. Knowing you were a dyke only made me more interested in getting to know you better. I knew from Dane before I was “officially” told. I remember how amusing it was seeing your face when you tried desperately to suck on that plastic wrap to pop a hole in it. It looked like you were giving birth through a plastic bag, and the noise was the baby zip-lock popping out of you. You were so cute… I remember smiling ear to ear, giggling. I can’t even say, let alone estimate how many times I dreamt of you out of fear of seeming creepy, but I’ve thought about you a lot, even through my awkward boyfriends. (Keep in mind I have never asked out a boy in my life lol). Well, to get to the main topic of this essay, I can’t imagine what I would be like now if you weren’t my friend. It’s nice to have someone to confide in and tell things to every once in a while… Especially when anyone else would feel uneasy with such subjects. I’m glad you’re there to call when I feel everyone else has dropped off the face of the planet. And I wish I could see your beautiful face now as you have read this letter, as I’m sure you’ve smiled at least once. =) -“jen” Good yes? She knows how I feel already, but I gave her a copy of this to her anyway. xD *bold* I haven't talked to her since so I'm not sure of her reaction... hmm Well I'll find out soon enough. =) How was my day? Pretty much hell after 3rd period. v_v" Bree hit me with a door on my hand, so didn't write much today(I'll borrow notes later), and at lunch well... yeah I tripped. And I scraped up my OTHER hand, hurt my back(can't sit straight up), and my left leg hurts... My mother doesn't seem to really care... and my sister was making fun of me on the bus. *I wanted to slap her sooo bad) I could barely hold onto the bars I was shaking so bad. I slept fifth period(weren't do anything anyway), and half of sixth I got fed up and went to the nurse. Of course she wasn't there, so I helped myself to disinfecting/sterile wipes and ice and just kinda laid there till someone walked in. And it sucked ass walking home. >_<" Sorry if I'm complaining, I usually don't. gawd I just need to talk to someone. =( Love, "jenny" Current Mood: cranky Current Music: D= Can't. (1 Comment |Comment on this)